Hello blog reader! I am honestly thrilled that you would find me and what I have to say interesting enough to read this blog.
Welcome, I am glad you are here :)
I really am.
I have been wanting to do something like this blog for a while. I have lots of fun ideas and opinions, and I often do not have the time or outlets to share them.
Actually, if I am being honest (and because of the bravery that I acquire whilst behind a computer screen, I am) what keeps me back the majority of the time is that I do not feel like what I have to say is important, or worth hearing. With lots of love and encouragement from those around me, I am trying to silence that evil, self-loathing monster that lives on my shoulder. I hate him (sorry guys, but I just picture my doubt monster to be a male...and to kinda look like a cross between a muppet and the mucinex mucus monster...gross, but oddly cuddly).
What most stirred me in making this blog was a very sad event that took place last year. Not sad like someone died sad, but sad like a dream of mine that I had been building for almost a decade came crashing down. I cannot get into all the details, but the short of it goes like this:
I have always wanted to build and create a brand of clothing and goods called B.mae designs. I wanted it to be focused around people loving themselves, loving art, and finding that they are beautiful creatures. I began to dream up a company, motto, logos, and every detail down to what I would have the tags of the ever so cool, trendy, and comfortable garments that I would hand make in high school say. I had business plans and dreams that would take me to the moon and back, making every star and planet look fabulous on the way. I went to school to learn how to do this. I worked a full time job and attended classes four or five days a week for four hours at night, after working my 8+ hours a day five to six days a week. I supported myself, by myself, along the way. It was a very difficult time of life, but I now have my certificate of fashion design and technology. I am very proud of it, and my self for finishing. That schooling led me to get the job in visual merchandising that I have now. It is a great job, and I LOVE it, but it is not fashion. It does, however, pay the bills.
In the midst of this dreaming of my company and working my self to death in school I met and married a man named Michael Oakley (theadeventuresofteamoakley.blogspot.com to see how fabulous we are together!). He is wonderful, and most of the reason I began dreaming again after...well...I am getting ahead of myself....
After I graduated we married he got an awesome job in Vegas, so I followed doing the visual merchandising thing out there. I was 21 when I got married, and figured I had time to live my dream later. After Vegas ended, we landed on some hard times, and we moved for a career change to Nashville TN. I worked like a mad woman so we could pay the bills while Michael was employed in said career that changed, part time. Once the job that I was doing in Vegas picked back up in Nashville I was able to quit the random retail management gig that I was in working 50 hours a week. I was stoked to get my old job back ( I LOVE my job. Not everyone can say that, so I feel so blessed to do something that I actually like to do!), but it would be traveling. Most, if not all, of my accounts are three+ hours away from home base. I would have down time between accounts, as I am only a part timer with this job, so I thought it would be perfect! I could travel a bit (which I love) and on my down time I can FINALLY start doing what I was meant to do! I will start my company!
Well I quickly learned that starting a design company takes money and space...both of which we had ZERO of when we first got to Nashville...LOL...first got to Nashville...who am I kidding!?! We are still broke and living in a tiny house....but the difference is we are broke with a budget and a goal, and we have our own space. It is much different than living penny to penny in your in-law's spare bedroom (which was the case when we first moved to Nashville).
So until we got ourselves some money, time, and workspace I would just continue to play out my career fantasies in my head.... Then something happened that I never thought would happen. I got pregnant! I have endometriosis, which is an autoimmune disease of the reproductive organs (http://www.endometriosisassn.org for more info). The disease was not new to me; I was diagnosed when I was 19. There are many horrible and detrimental side effects to this disease, but one of the most devastating is infertility. Each doctor that has had the pleasure of slicing me open to survey the damage the disease has had on my body had come out of surgery saying the chances of me ever getting pregnant are bleak, if there are even chances due to the severity of my condition....
But against all odds we conceived! It is the most joyous thing that has ever happened to me. I would not change it for the world. But if we were short on time, money, and space now...whew! I knew my dreams would be pushed back even farther. But I was more than happy to do so for the chance of being a mom!!! (my precious Emery was born on my 25th birthday, and he is the most awesome creature in the world...ask anyone).
This is turing into a not so "the short of the story"....anyways why I go on and on about the reasons that I pushed back my goal was that the whole time I thought I was safe. I thought the thoughts in my head and this wonderfully laid out plan (again, in my head) for an awesome and successful brand and company are safe and ready to be put into the world when the stars aligned. However plans in your head are not fully protected. Though I had done some things with dates on them, and put my idea out there to some people, I did not take legal steps to secure any part of my company. When shopping for things to put on our baby registry I saw that there was a company that sold really cool kids toys that was eerily close to what I was going to call mine. And the motto for their company was almost word for word the motto I was going to use...I was crushed. I went home and googled all the ideas that I thought were safe in my head.... there were multiple companies that had ideas, brands, logos, mottos and designs that were way too close to what I had been building in my head for years. And by way to close I mean I would get royally sued if I tried to put my great ideas out there now. Ten + years of creating my future was lost. That day I realized that I could not do what I wanted to do. I could not go where I felt I was made to travel. I know I said it before, but 'crushed' is the only way I can describe how it felt to see all of these things slip out my my grasp.
It was my own fault, but there is nothing I can do now. I cannot go back and I cannot change things. I am not even sure where to go from here as far as a company or brand goes (but when I do figure that out you bet I am going to trademark the crap out of it!), but I know being silent about good ideas and my opinions does not work. It does no good. I always have something to say, and if I do not say them, then no one hears them. Simple, I know, but that is what spurred this blog to actually happen. I am going to put out there what I think and what I feel. It will be mostly about fashion, art, and culture, but you may find a post about health, food, or spirituality as well. Just wait to find out :)
You do not have to agree or like what I say, but I genuinely hope you do. Or at least I hope you can take something positive and uplifting from it. That is my goal.
So there is the background to how this blog was created.
I am personally looking forward to the journey.
I would be delighted if you would come too.
Thank you for reading,
Beka
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